


I would like to stay for a while.

by lumoon33



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Lashton - Freeform, M/M, This is cute, alternative universe, and i know lukes dads name isnt will, but i dont care, i know ashtons mums name isnt allison, i think this is sweet, it took me a lot of time lol, just read please, really - Freeform, the important thing here is the lashton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:25:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumoon33/pseuds/lumoon33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton is looking for someone who would like to stay for a while, Luke wouldn't mind to stay forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I would like to stay for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't expect it to be like this, I had something different in mind but well, it ended up like this and I hope you like it.
> 
> And English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry for the mistakes.
> 
> xx

"I don't wanna go."  
"C'mon Luke, we've already talked about this."  
Luke looks at his dad frowning.  
"Are you wearing that?"  
Will Hemmings looks at himself in the mirror again with a confused expression.  
"Why? Am I too bad?"  
Luke walks toward his dad, trying not to laugh.  
"A flower tie with a striped shirt. Are you kidding me? Take off that tie if you don't want your date to kick you in the face."  
"I thought it was beautiful" Will answers, but he takes off the tie, knowing that his son has a better taste in clothes than him.  
Luke sits in his father's bed and sees how he checks himself in the mirror over and over again.  
"Really, why do I have to go?"  
Will sighs and turns around to look at Luke.  
"Because she has a son too, and we want to know if you two get on well. I've already told you, Lucas."  
"Don't call me Lucas" Luke crosses his arms over his chest and looks at the floor "You know I'm not good at making friends. I don't wanna go."  
Will sits in bed next to his son and puts a hand in his knee.  
"Listen Luke, I really like this woman and I want it to work. I want something serious with her, you already know it" Luke swallows hard and nods "She wants you and her son to be friends, it's important to her. So please, do it for me, okay? Turn that annoyed face into a smile."  
Luke sighs and looks up at his dad, faking a smile. Will laughs and messes Luke's hair.  
"That's my son."  
Will gets up and looks at himself in the mirror again.  
"By the way, are you wearing that?" he says.  
Luke looks down at his ripped black jeans and his Nirvana tshirt.  
"Yep, you're the one having a date today, not me."

 

\----

 

When Will's date opens the door Luke feels like he's going to puke.  
He hates meeting new people. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say when he's introtuced to someone he hasn't seen before, he doesn't know how to start a conversation or how to answer questions with funny comments. He always feels awkward and stupid, standing there with a shy smile and his head down like he's doing right now.  
"Luke, this is Allison" his father says and he reaches out a hand to shake Allison's, but she leans in and greets him with two kisses in his cheeks and he closes his eyes and feels really stupid.  
"It's really nice to meet you Luke, finally. Your father talks a lot about you."  
There it is. What is he supposed to say now?  
"Thank you" he mutters, looking at the floor.  
He hasn't looked at his dad's date once. He knows she's tall and her hair is brown and she seems nice, because his father showed him a photo, but he doesn't dare to look at her.  
"Sorry, he's a really shy guy" Will says, and he puts a hand over Luke's shoulder, trying to encourage him.  
It doesn't work.  
"Well, Ashton is upstairs, in his room. Follow me." Allison says, and Luke can tell she's smiling.  
How does she do it? It seems really easy for her meeting someone new and Luke still feels like he's going to puke.  
When they get to what Luke guesses is Ashton's door Luke feels how his nervousness reaches a new level. He doesn't want to come in.  
He has friends, of course, he's friends with Michael and Calum, but Luke doesn't even remember how they became friends, he was really young when he met them. He is happy being friends with them, he doesn't need more friends.  
He doesn't know how to make friends, he doesn't want Allison to open her son's door, he doesn't want to come in.  
But his father's date doesn't seem to be able to read minds and she opens it anyways.  
"Come in" she says and Luke follows her hesitantly.  
Luke is surprised when he looks around. Ashton's room reminds him of his own. His bed is unmade, there's a pile of messed clothes over a chair in a corner of the room and the walls are covered up with posters (Blink-182, Green Day, Fall Out Boy, All Time Low and Luke thinks he already likes this guy).  
A guy is sitting in a desk using a computer and Luke guesses it's Ashton.  
"Ashton, leave that a moment and come here" Allison says and the curly haired guy sighs and gets up from his desk, walking toward them.  
He's shorter than Luke and he has hazel eyes and tanned skin and he's wearing a Capitain American tshirt and Luke's really going to puke.  
Allison puts an arm over his shoulders and smiles at Luke.  
"Ashton, this is Luke, Will's son" her voice is kind and her smile is wider now and Luke doesn't know what he's supposed to do.  
Ashton licks his lips and his eyes run over Luke's body, as if he's evaluating him. He reaches out a hand and Luke takes it, he shakes it quickly and lets go as fast as he can. He's sweating and he doesn't want Ashton to notice.  
"Nice to meet you" Ashton mutters and Luke just nods, looking at the floor again.  
"Well guys, we're downstairs if you need something, 'kay? Have fun" Allison says and she and Will leave the room, Will closes the door after them and Luke wants to die right there.  
There's a long silence in the room where Luke just stares at the floor and he can feel Ashton's eyes on him. He feels dizzy.  
"Don't touch anything" Ashton says and then he goes back to his desk.  
Luke stands there, quiet and never looking up, playing with his own fingers, feeling really awkward and stupid.  
He hears an exasperated sigh and he knows that Ashton's eyes are on him again.  
"You can sit in my bed, if you want."  
Luke sits on the edge of the bed carefully, he doesn't wat to do something that can bother Ashton.  
"Is the floor more interesting than me?" Ashton says and Luke swears that he can hear his smirk.  
Luke looks up at Ashton and his heart speeds up as he raises his head. He knew it was going to be difficult, but this is too much.  
Ashton is sitting in a chair facing Luke, his computer now closed over his desk. The idea of being more important than a computer to Ashton makes Luke want to puke again. And then makes him want to kick himself because it's such a stupid thought.  
Ashton's hazel eyes are looking right into Luke's blue ones and Luke is trying to look anywhere in Ashton's face but at his eyes. It's almost impossible and Luke's hands are sweating a lot.  
"Tell me about your father, how is he?" Ashton says, Luke can't hear his smirk anymore.  
Ashton's eyes are serious and curious now. Luke swallows hard.  
"What do you want to know?" he asks and his voice comes shakier than what he would like.  
"I don't know. Anything" Ashton shrugs "Everything. Does he drive you to school? How old is he? Does he know how to cook?" Ashton pauses and closes his eyes a little "Is he one of those men who stay or does he like to leave soon?"  
Luke strokes his hands against his black ripped jeans and looks down again.  
"He doesn't drive me, I walk to school. He is 45. He knows how to cook. And I don't know what you mean with the last one."  
Luke raises his head one more time when Ashton doesn't reply.  
"You seem like a nice guy" Ashton says slowly, Luke feels his cheeks burning "I hope your dad's one of those who like to stay."  
Then Ashton turns around and grabs his computer again, Luke looks at the floor and they don't talk anymore.

 

\----

 

Luke didn't want to come. He knew it was going to be awkward and he couldn't be more right.  
It has been a week since Luke first met Ashton and now his dad and Allison have asked the two of them to go out to dinner with them. They're leaving the restaurant now and it's been the weirdest night in Luke's life. He and Ashton have spent the dinner quiet while Allison and Will haven't stoped laughing. Luke wanted to run out of there.  
He's walking with his hands in his pockets beside Ashton now and he can hear Allison laughing behind him.  
"It's been a while since the last time I saw her this happy" Ashton mutters and Luke looks at him surprised, it's the first time he talks to him since that day in his room.  
"It's a good thing then, isn't it?" Luke says, not sure of what he's supposed to answer.  
"I don't know" Ashton sighs "The higher you fly the more painful is the fall"  
Luke frowns and shakes his head, feeling unconfortable.  
"I hate when you talk like that, I don't get you" and he feels his cheeks burning when Ashton laughs softly, looking at him from the corner of his eye.  
"My mother has dated a lot of men since my father left" he says "Don't you dare to think that she's a slut or something" Ashton's voice is a little angry there and Luke shakes his head.  
"No, 'course" he mutters.  
"I guess she just feels lonely. The thing is that they all leave. She's like the happiest girl in the world and then they leave and she can't stop crying until another man comes in making her feel like he can fix it all, but he ends up leaving too" Ashton says it in a really low voice, almost whispering, it's like he's sharing something really important with Luke and Luke doesn't know how he has to feel.  
"My dad's a good man" that's the only thing he manages to think, Luke feels like he needs to defend his dad "He's one of those guys who like to stay for a while" he adds, whispering now.  
Ashton looks at him with a little smile in is pink lips.  
"He seems nice. I would like him to be one of those who like to stay forever. But I'm not sure that kind of men exist."  
And Luke doesn't answer. He can't. He's not his dad, he's not inside Will's mind and he can't know what's happening in the future. But he knows that Ashton's a good boy who just wants to protect his mum, and he finds out that he would like his dad to be one of those men too.  
Luke doesn't answer because he doesn't know how to, he's not good at these things, but he sighs and walks home a little bit closer to Ashton.

 

\----

 

He feels dizzy one more time.  
Luke takes a deep breath and raises a hand, but he lets his arm fall again before he presses the bell.  
What the hell is he doing here?  
'C'mon Lukey, invite him, I wanna meet him' Calum had said. 'He seems pretty interesting' Calum had said. 'You hasn't stoped talking about him since you met him' Michael had said, Luke really hates him.  
'Ask him to go out with us' Calum had said.  
Why the hell did Luke listen to Calum.  
Now here he is, standing in front of Allison and Ashton's door and he doesn't dare to press the fucking bell.  
He takes another deep breath and raises his arm again. He closes his eyes and well, he's here now, he needs to do something, and maybe Ashton wants to be friends with him. He's not convinced at all, but he presses the bell anyways.  
He stands there waiting for someone to come and open the door and, when he has decided that he's running back home and laying in bed for the rest of the day, Allison appears in front of him with a wide smile in her pink lips.  
"Lukey! What are you doing here?" she says way too enthusiastically before pressing a kiss in his cheek.  
Luke kind of likes this woman, she seems happy most of the time and his dad says that she cooks really good chocolate cakes.  
"I just, um- is Ashton at home? I wanted to ask him something" Luke knows that he's talking too fast, but Allison seems to understand him anyways because she lets him in and tells him to wait a minute and he stands awkwardly in the living room.  
His heart is going too fast, too. He's glad Allison can't hear it.  
He really hates making friends and he really hates Calum Hood.  
"What are you doing here?" that's the first thing Ashton says when he sees Luke standing there. He's frowning and Luke just wants to run back to his house and spend the rest of his life lying in his bed. Alone.  
It wasn't a good idea and he's going to kill Calum.  
"I'm going to the cinema with some friends" he says carefully, trying to talk as slow as it is possible "I wondered if you would wanna come with us?"  
Ashton frowns even more and runs his eyes over Luke's body.  
"Why?"  
Luke swallows hard and plays with the end of his Blink-182 tshirt. What the hell is he supposed to answer now?  
"I don't know" he says, sincerly "I just thought that maybe we could be friends or something."  
Ashton looks and him like he's the most weirdest person in the world and Luke does feel like the weirdest person in the world. But the curly haired boy laughs and Luke relaxes. Just a little.  
"I'm not good at this" Luke mutters and Ashton laughs again.  
"Yeah, you're not" he says, but he walks toward Luke and adds "Okay. Let's go, then. But just because I like your tshirt" Luke smiles at his comment, it's the first time Ashton makes him smile and it feels pretty good.

 

\----

 

"So this is the famous brother" Michael says when Luke arrives to the cinema with Ashton walking next to him and if he could kill someone with just one look, Michael would be dead right now.  
"We're not brothers" Luke mumbles and he gets into the cinema with his arms wrapped around his own torso, as if he's trying to protect himself from everyone else. He ignores the amused look that Ashton's giving him.  
If Luke thought that there couldn't be something weirdest than the dinner with Allison and his dad, he was wrong.  
They watch Divergent and Luke is pretty excited, he loves the books and he really wanted to finally watch the film, but he feels uncomfortable. He ends up sitting next to Ashton and they don't talk even once. Their hands brush everytime Luke tries to grab some popcorn and it's really weird. Everything feels forced.  
So, when the film ends and Calum and Michael leave, Luke walks home with Ashton and he needs to ask him.  
"Why did you come with us?"  
Ashton steps slow down and he looks at Luke frowning.  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
Luke bites his lower lip, searching for the correct answer.  
"You didn't have to come if you didn't want to. I know you didn't want to" he mutters.  
Luke sees from the corner of his eye how Ashton gets his hands into his pockets and then he realizes that it's really cold tonight.  
"It's not like that. It's not like I didn't want to come" the older guy says "Our parents want us to be friends, so you asked me to go out with you and your friends. Well, you asked me to, why would I say no?" he shrugs.  
Luke looks at him wide eyed.  
"I didn't ask you to come because of our parents" he replies, his voice higher than usual. Ashton turns his head to look at him with surprised eyes "When I said that maybe we could be friends it's because I want to be friends with you, not because of my dad" Luke finishes. He feels his throat dry and burning and why the hell is making friends this hard?  
"Oh" Ashton whispers, his shoulders falling down "I just thought- well, nevermind. I'm not good at this either, you see" he says with a little smile that makes Luke smile too.  
He feels a little less weird. Just a little.

 

\----

 

Luke finds out that Ashton is actually pretty cool.  
He has the discography of all of the bands that are in the posters of his bedroom walls and he lets Luke play them as loud as it is possible and they both jump in Ashton's bed pretending that they're rock stars (no one has to know about it). He has a collection of Marvel tshirts and he lets Luke borrow them whenever he wants (the Batman one is Luke's favourite and he wears it every saturday night when they go out to dinner with their parents). He bakes better chocolate cakes than his mother and he often tries to teach Luke how to do it (Luke's kitchen ends up always like a mess and he never learns anything).  
They're almost as good friends as Luke's with Calum and Michael. Almost.  
They get on well, really well, but there's a point where Ashton pushes Luke away. Luke has always been very clingy and it seems to be fine with Calum and Michael, but he guesses Ashton is not like them, he won't hug Luke goodbye, he won't cuddle Luke when they're watching a terror film and he's afraid, he won't put an arm around Luke's shoulder when they are out and it's cold.  
So Luke guesses that everytime Ashton's shoulder brushes against his when they're lying in bed and he feels that sparkle in his stomach is just because he's not used to Ashton touching him. When they're having dinner with their parents and Ashton's knee touches his accidentally, Luke feels something warm invading his chest, but it's just because he's not used to Ashton touching him. When it's cold outside and Ashton hands Luke his jacket when he sees him trembling, Luke runs out of breath, but it's just because he's not used to Ashton taking care of him.  
But then there're the times where Luke feels Ashton's eyes on him and he raises his head to meet his gaze, but Ashton always looks away. Luke hasn't found an answer to it yet, but he's sure he'll come up with something logical.

 

\----

 

Luke doesn't know when or how he has gotten to this point and he's afraid. He doesn't know if this is love, he's never been in love before. But he does know that he breathes in Ashton's presence. Everytime the boy isn't around he finds it hard to breath, he feels like his lungs are filled up with water, and when Ashton is close to him, he can breath with normality again, but he's never close enough, and when Luke tries to get closer, Ashton pushes him away, and he feels like drowning.  
He doesn't know if it is love, a stupid crush or just a strong friendship, but he craves Ashton's touch and it hurts a lot when the older boy pushes him away. It hurts even more when he catches Ashton looking at him from the distance (Ashton always looks away when Luke catches him staring, of course).  
Luke doesn't know what's wrong with Ashton, but he needs to keep him close and he's tired of him trying to get away. He needs to know what's wrong, and one day Luke sits next to Ashton in the couch to watch Toy Story together, Luke presses himself against the older boy's side under the blanket that's covering the both of them to keep warm and Ashton gets up and goes to take a seat in a chair.  
And Luke is really tired and confused and exasperated. So he pauses the film when they've watched barely the first three minutes and he gets up from the couch, looking at Ashton, frowning and tensed up.  
"What the hell is going on with you?" he says, and his voice sounds cold and Ashton shifts in his seat, making Luke feel a little guilty.  
"What are you talking about?" Ashton asks hesitantly.  
"Oh, c'mon" Luke throws his arms at the air and walks closer to Ashton, exasperated "I cuddle up against you just to watch a film and you're already running away, sitting as far as you can. What is this about? I cuddle Cal and Mike all the time and it doesn't bother them. Why does it bother you?" he asks that last thing almost whispering, but he knows Ashton hears him, because he bites his lip way too hard, Luke's afraid he's going to hurt himself.  
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not running away from anything" the older boy replies, getting up too.  
"You're running away from me" Luke says, he can listen the pain in his own voice "And this is ridiculous because you push me away and then I find you staring at me all the time. You're driving me crazy." Ashton closes his eyes a little and Luke's heart skips a beat, he doesn't want to hurt him, he's just confused and tired and he needs an explanation.  
"I'm not like Calum and Michael, okay?" Ashton screams, opening his arms and Luke's eyes widen "You can't cuddle me and hug me and sleep in the same bed as me and pretend I won't fall for you! I'm not like them, I can't see you like a brother, I can't- I'm fucking afraid" his arms fall down to his sides and he looks at Luke with his eyes shinning, he seems defenseless "Everytime you're close to me I run out of breath and I can't think straight anymore, I feel vulnerable" he's whispering now, and Luke's heart is going too fast, he starts to feel like drowning "I'm falling for you. Hard. And I don't want to. It scares the shit out of me."  
And right there Luke decides that it's time to stop thinking, it's time to stop being afraid. So he walks toward Ashton, his heart pounding crazy in his chest, his head spinning, and he puts his hands in Ashton's waist, pulling him closer, as close as he can, and Ashton makes a surprised little sound that Luke catches with his lips when he crashes their mouths together.  
Luke feels like everything is spinning around him. He's not able to breathe anymore, he's just able to feel Ashton's hands in his shoulders, Ashton's chest against his, Ashton's lips caressing his own, fast and desperate.  
So, this is what falling in love feels like. He's not able to breathe anymore and he needs Ashton to make his heart keep beating.  
He breaks the kiss and presses his forehead against Ashton's, but he doesn't open his eyes.  
"Why?" he breathes over Ashton's mouth "Why don't you want to fall for me?"  
He is surprised that he's able to hear Ashton's answer over his own heartbeat.  
"Because you'll end up leaving. Everyone leaves" Ashton's voice sounds soft and low and afraid.  
"Do you remember the day you asked me about my dad?" Luke opens his eyes, looking right into Ashton's hazel ones, he runs a hand up Ashton's back until it reaches his hair and he sinks his fingers there, it makes Ashton shake "I couldn't tell you if he's one of those men who like to stay, because I'm not him, I'm not inside his head" Luke's lips brushes against Ashton's when he speaks and he's trying really hard to keep thinking straight "But I, I am inside my own head. And I can tell you that I would like to stay."  
Now it seems that it's Ashton the one who decides that it's time to stop thinking, he decides that it's time to stop talking. He puts a hand behind Luke's neck and pulls him closer, pressing their lips together, leaving Luke breathless again.  
Luke knows now what it feels like to have Ashton as close to him as it is possible, and he's never letting him go.

 

\----

 

"They are yelling again" it's the first thing Luke hears from Ashton when he picks up the phone.  
Luke raises his head from where it was resting over his pillow and he looks at the clock he has in his bedside table. It's 3 am. This is something important and it's not good.  
"Don't listen to them" Luke whispers, and his heart breaks a little when he hears a shaky breath on the other side of the phone. Ashton's crying "Ash, don't listen to them."  
"I'm trying" Ashton whispers back "I want to sleep, but I can't. They are yelling too loud."  
Luke strokes his eyes with his free hand, trying to brush the sleep off, or trying not to cry (he's not sure, really).  
"Everything's going to be fine" he says, but he doesn't believe himself.  
"They don't sound like it's going to be okay soon" Luke can hear the fear in Ashton's voice "I don't want my mum crying again."  
A strange feeling appears in Luke's throat, it is bitter and uncomfortable, Luke tries to swallow it off, but it doesn't go away.  
"Try to sleep" he whispers. He feels bad because he can't do anything else for Ashton, at least not now "I'll talk to my dad tomorrow, 'kay? They're going to be fine."  
Ashton breaths shakily at the other side of the phone again and Luke closes his eyes as hard as he can. He wants to be there with him, he wants to hug him tightly and brush his tears away with his fingertips. He really hates Allison and his dad right now for making Ashton cry with their stupid arguments.  
"I love you, Luke." Ashton breaths in the phone quietly, and Luke swears that his heart stops right there, because it is the first time Ashton says those words to him.  
"I love you too, a lot." Luke whispers back, and now his voice is the one that shakes "I really do."

 

\----

 

"Can we talk?"  
Will looks up from the book he's reading and smiles at Luke, nodding. The blond walks toward the couch and takes a seat next to his dad, who closes the book and rests it in the coffee table.  
"What's wrong with you and Allison?" Luke asks after taking a deep breath.  
Will frowns and looks away.  
"What do you mean?"  
Luke sighs and runs a hand through his hair.  
"Look, you know I'm friends with Ashton, right?" Luke waits until his father gives him a little nod and he keeps talking "Well, he called me yesterday. He was crying because you and Allison were fighting" Luke decides that it's not necesary to tell him that it wasn't the first time Ashton had called him in the middle of the night because of their fights.  
"Okay, I thought I wouldn't have to tell you this until next week, but now that you started talking about it..." Will shifts in his seat visibly unconfortable and looks at his son with serious eyes. Luke swallows hard, knowing that his dad is not going to tell him something beautiful "Things with Allison aren't working. My boss offerd me a better job and I decided to take it. Yesterday I went to her house to tell her that we're moving to New York."  
When those words leave Will's mouth, Luke stops listening. It's like everything has suddenly stoped, even his heart, and he's trying to make it move again. But he can't and it's terrifying.  
"Luke, son, are you okay?"  
"What the hell are you saying? I'm not moving anywhere" Luke says and his voice comes out like a low whisper.  
"I know you don't like the idea now Lucas, but it will be a good change. We're moving to New York in two weeks."  
Luke doesn't want to hear more. He gets up and leaves his house running, ignoring the way his father screams after him.

 

\----

 

When Luke arrives to Ashton's house he forgets about the nervousness he felt the first times he was here, he just presses de bell nonstop until Allison opens the door, and he gets in running, he doesn't even bother to greet her, he goes upstairs to Ashton's room as fast as he can.  
"Luke! What are you doing here?" Ashton gets up from his bed and looks at the younger boy wide eyed. Luke can't barely breath and when he notices it the worry is visible in his eyes "Luke, what's going on?"  
Luke lets Ashton take his hand and lead him to the bed. He feels sick, his stomach is hurting because of running too much and he knows that his heart must be going crazy inside of his chest, but he can't hear it and it scares the shit out of him.  
"Calm down, Lukey" Ashton whispers, and Luke tries to. Ashton's hand caressing his back helps him a little "Tell me, what happens?"  
Luke shakes his head. He doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't even want think about it. He just wants Ashton to hold him and make him forget about his father's words.  
"Just hug me, please" he whispers and Ashton's eyes are still worried and a little bit curious, and he hesitates a second, but then he nods and puts his arms around Luke's waist, pulling him close.  
Luke leans his head on Ashton's shoulder and breathes against his neck. He closes his eyes because they feel like burning and he doesn't want to cry in front of Ashton.  
Ashton lies both of them in bed, he keeps his arms around Luke's waist and Luke's head is now resting over the older guy's chest. Luke's breath is going back to normal as Ashton plays with his hair, he can hear Ashton's heartbeat and his own heart trying to match it.  
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Ashton whispers and Luke shakes his head, trying to get even closer to him.  
"Just stay with me like this for a while, please" Luke's voice is rough and his throat hurts because of the tears he isn't allowing to fall, but Ashton's hand in his hair is calming him down and drifting him to sleep.  
He falls asleep like that, lying in Ashton's arms, but the last thing he thinks about is that in two weeks Ashton is going to be too far to hold him and that thought fills his dreams up with nightmares.

 

\----

 

Luke knows that he should tell Ashton.  
He sits on the sofa and looks around and there's boxes everywhere and his dad's always packing more and more things.  
Luke knows that he should tell Ashton. But he can't.  
He feels tired and weak and small. He spends the days lying on the couch eating cereal and watching shitty tv while his father messes around, packing some things and throwing others away.  
He knows he should tell Ashton.  
He knows that Ashton is worried because Luke barely leaves his house. And he knows that he should spend as much time as he can with Ashton, but he can't. He can't dare himself to look at him in the eyes and tell him that he's leaving next week and he's probably never coming back.  
So he just grabs the tv remote and changes the channel even though he's not really watching anything.  
He's been ignoring his phone all day, he feels it buzzing in his pocket and he knows that it's Ashton calling, and he's not able to pick it up even once, so when the bell of his house sounds and his dad opens the door, he feels his whole world stopping.  
Ashton comes in and looks around with wide eyes, he looks at every box before meeting Luke's gaze, suddenly tensed up in the couch, and the pain is so clearly visible in Ashton's eyes that Luke can feel it running through his own veins. The look in Ashton's eyes hurts too much and Luke curses himself for being this weak and not talking with Ashton when he had to.  
Luke opens his mouth but nothing comes, he's not sure what he has to say, and Ashton just blinks and turns around, leaving the house without saying a thing.  
When the door closes with a strong bang after Ashton, Luke reacts. He gets up from the couch and runs out of the house, calling Ashton's name. He doesn't need to run too far away, Ashton is standing in front of the house, giving his back to Luke, with his hands in his pockets and his head low.  
Luke walks toward him and rests a hand over the older guy's shoulder, his eyes start to burn when Ashton moves away from him, but he doesn't let the tears fall down, he feels like he doesn't deserve to cry.  
"Ash" he says and his voice comes shakily.  
Ashton just shakes his head, never turning around to face Luke.  
"Look Ash, I can explain it" Luke whispers, even though he doesn't know what to say.  
He's not good at making friends, but he's even worst with goodbyes. And this is definitely a goodbye.  
"I couldn't tell you" Luke tries to explain "I couldn't look at you and tell you I was leaving. I couldn't- I could barely breathe when my father told me, I knew I wouldn't be able to look in your eyes and just..."  
Ashton turns around then, and his cheeks are wet, his eyes red and his look sad. It's too much for Luke.  
"I knew I wouldn't be able to manage that look in your eyes" Luke whispers, looking at the ground, suddenly feeling hopeless and empty, he has never felt like this with Ashton near and it's the worst feeling ever.  
"I knew it was going to happen" Ashton says, his voice is so cold it makes Luke tremble "Where are you going? For all those boxes I can tell you're not coming back soon."  
"New York" Luke answers really quietly.  
Ashton looks at him for a long time. He looks at Luke and his breath speeds up, his chest moving up and down fast.  
"You're not coming back, aren't you?" he whispers. Ashton has to stroke his eyes to stop the tears and when Luke looks at him he thinks that his chest has never hurt this badly "You're not coming back and I knew it was gonna happen!" Ashton shouts when Luke doesn't says anything "I told you I was scared. I told you I didn't want to fall for you. I told ya... And now you're leaving. I knew you were going to leave me, everyone leaves" Ashton walks closer to Luke and hits him in the chest, Luke doesn't react, he just looks at the ground and stays still "Now you're leaving me alone and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my feelings. You made me fall in love with you when I told you I didn't want to and now... You just-"  
Ashton rises his fist to hit Luke one more time, but this time Luke grabs it and pulls Ashton against his body. He wraps his other arm around Ashton's waist and keeps him pressed up against him even though Ashton tries to get away.  
"Ash" Luke whispers when Ashton doesn't stop moving in his arms "Ashton, please" he says again, his voice's desperate.  
They spend some time like that, Luke trying to keep Ashton in his arms and Ashton fighting to pull him away. Finally, Ashton gives up, he lets his arms fall down and restes his head in Luke's chest, crying there quietly, feeling exhausted.  
Luke pulls away a little and strokes Ashton's cheek with a hand, brushing his tears away with his thumb. When he looks into Ashton's red eyes he needs to swallow to not start to cry. He feels completely defeated.  
Luke moves closer, he caresses his lips against Ashton's, just once, slowly, feeling that familiar rush through his veins. Ashton doesn't kiss him back, he doesn't react, he just stays still and lets Luke breathe over his lips.  
"I love you" Luke says and Ashton shakes his head.  
Ashton pulls away then, slowly. He puts his hands on Luke's shoulders and pushes him gently, Luke lets him.  
They look into each other eyes and Ashton takes a step back. He sighs and his shoulders fall down.  
"I really believed you when you told me you would like to stay" Ashton whispers "But you made me believe that you could fix everything, and now you're going to leave me, leaving things more broken than they were before."  
Then he turns around and walks away.  
Luke wants to say something, he wants to tell him that he doesn't wanna leave, that this is not his fault, but he just stands there, watching Ashton leave, and he turns around, gets back into his house and sits in the sofa again.

 

\----

 

Luke is leaving in three days and he can't stand this anymore.  
He's doing the same thing he has been doing the last few days, he's sitting in the couch pretending he's watching the tv, but he's not paying attention. He can't, really. His father packing the last things distracts him, and the uncomfortable feeling that has settled in his chest the last time he saw Ashton is annoying him.  
He misses him so much.  
Everytime his dad asks him if he has packed everything it makes him wanna cry and it hurts just to breathe and Ashton isn't there to calm him down.  
He misses Ashton's arms tight around his waist and he misses Ashton's lips pressed softly against his own.  
He misses making him smile and the way his eyes lighted up when he laughed.  
He misses his voice. He misses his voice a lot. Luke spends hours looking at the tv screen but what he's really doing is trying to remember how Ashton's voice sounded everytime he told him that he loved him. It gets harder to remember it everyday that goes by and it terrifies Luke.  
He knows that he'll forget Ashton's voice sometime and doesn't know how he's supposed to keep breathing if he can't remember Ashton's voice.  
"Lucas, are you sure you packed everything?" Will asks for the fourth time this day and Luke literaly can't stand this anymore.  
"I'm sick of this" he says and his dad walks toward the couch and looks at him.  
"What happens now?"  
"Now?" Luke asks, getting up "I've been lying in this couch without leaving the house for the past two weeks and you never asked me what happens" Will frowns at his words "You don't care about me, right? The only thing that matters is if I packed all my shit. Well, I didn't" Luke is screaming now and his dad seems hurt at his words, but he doesn't care right now, he's really tired "I didn't pack anything and I won't. Cause I don't want to fucking leave. I know you don't care about my opinion, but I won't pack anything, I'm not leaving."  
"Look, Lucas-"  
"Don't call me Lucas!" Luke shouts even louder and his dad raises his hands, as if he's trying to apologize himself.  
"Okay, Luke. I know I should have asked you before accepting the job, but now it's done, and I need to get away from here. Things with Allison aren't working and..."  
"Why are you so fucking selfish?" Luke cuts him, he is almost crying "Okay, things with Allison aren't working, but what about me? I have a life here, too. I have friends, I have..." I have someone who I love, he was going to say, but he never talked about Ashton in a romantically way with his dad before, so he just stops talking and looks at the floor, running a hand through his hair.  
"Yeah, I know I should have asked you, but now this is done, Luke. And you have to understand my point... I need to leave this place, get away from Allison and..."  
"But you need to understand my point too. You don't even try" Luke whispers, and walks by his dad to leave the room, but Will grabs his wrist.  
"I need you to pack your things, Lucas."  
"I'm not leaving" Luke says "I love someone here, okay?" he screams, turning around to face his dad again "I'm fucking in love with Ashton and I'm not leaving him. I can't." his voice shakes at the end and there're tears in his cheeks now. It's been a lot of time since the last time he has cried in front of his dad and he feels really ashamed, but he can't help it, the idea of leaving Ashton hurts too much.  
Will's hand lets go Luke's wrist and he has a shocked expression in his face, with his mouth open.  
"Why didn't you tell me this before?" he asks hesitantly.  
"Would it have changed anything?" Luke whispers, he brushes the tears away with the back of his hand. His heart is pounding like crazy in his chest, the sound of it is hurting his ears.  
"Maybe" Will says, his eyes are softer now and he's looking at Luke with a small smile in his lips "Do you really love him? Are you in love with him?"  
Luke can feel his cheeks burning and now he feels awkward standing there in front of his dad. He looks at the floor and bites his lip, nodding ashamed.  
"Yeah" he answers, whispering.  
Will sighs and his smile widen.  
"We're not leaving, then."  
Luke looks at his dad again with wide eyes and his heartbeats sounding even louder in his ears now.  
"What?"  
"We're not leaving. I know how much it hurts to leave someone who you love, I don't want you to do it because of my job. We're staying."  
"Are you serious?" Luke's voice shakes and comes higher than usual. He is crying again, but he feels far from ashamed now.  
Will nods and Luke throws himself into his arms, whispering 'thank you' again and again. Will just laughs at pats his back.  
"Go get the guy now, Lucas."  
Luke doesn't even care about the Lucas thing now, he leaves his dad embrace smiling wider than ever and runs towards the door, but before leaving the house he turns around and looks at his dad again.  
"I don't know what happened with Allison, but you should try to fix it. I like her, she's really nice" his dad smiles again and nods at him and Luke leaves the house running.

 

\----

 

He's nervous again. He's standing in front of Allison and Ashton's door, his leg is moving nonstop, following the rythm of his heartbeat, and he can't stop it. His hands are sweating and there's a strange feeling in his stomach, going up his chest, it makes it hard to breathe.  
When Allison opens the door she looks at Luke with a worried expression and he guesses that he may be pale and with dark shadows under his eyes, he hasn't been sleeping too well the last few days.  
"Is Ashton home?" he breathes out.  
Allison smiles a little and shakes his head.  
"He is, but he doesn't want to see you, darling. I'm sorry" she says and it makes Luke's heart go a little bit slowlier, but he was expecting it.  
"Okay, thank you" he turns around to leave, but he stops a moment to look at Allison one more time "Has my dad talked to you lately?" he asks and Allison shakes his head one more time, looking at the floor "Well, he'll do it. Listen to him, 'kay?" Allison doesn't replie, she just looks at him bitting her lip.  
Luke leaves then. Well, he doesn't really leave, he runs to the back of the house, where he knows Ashton's window is. He looks up at it, breathing hard and fast, and thinks about what he can do next.  
"Ashton!" he screams, he's not sure if it's gonna work, Ashton doesn't want to see him, so he probably won't look down the window, but he needs to try "Ashton, please!" he screams again, even harder.  
Luke looks at the ground, looking for some stones to throw at the window, but then he decides that it isn't a good idea, he could break the window or something. So he keeps screaming.  
"I need to tell you something. Please, it's really important. Ashton, c'mon!"  
Ashton's curtains move then and Luke looks up expectantly. The window is opened and Ashton looks out of it.  
Luke's breath catches in his throat when he sees him. He's as pale as Luke, his hair is messed up and there're dark shadows under his eyes, too.  
"I've missed you so much" it's the first thing Luke says when he sees him and Ashton looks at him with an expresion imposible to read, his eyes are empty, emotionless.  
"What the hell are you doing here?" Ashton's voice sounds rough and low, a shiver runs down Luke's spine at the heard of it "My mother told you I didn't want to see you. Leave, now."  
"But I need to tell you something" Luke says, feeling how his eyes start to water "Can you come down? It's important."  
Ashton doesn't answer, he shakes his head, still emotionless.  
"Ashton, I'm really sorry. I know you don't want to see me anymore, but this is fucking important. And I miss you a lot." Luke begs.  
Ashton lets out a high laugh.  
"Do you miss me?" he asks with an amused smile dancing on his lips "Good. I couldn't sleep for the past five days because of you, so I guess it's fair. I want you to leave, Lucas."  
Luke runs a hand through his hair desperate. He knew it was going to be difficult, but not this hard.  
"Ash, I need you to come down. I need to talk to you. It's important."  
Ashton stays quiet for a while just looking at Luke. He sighs and shakes his head, his eyes are sad now.  
"I don't think that's a good idea. It hurts a lot to know you're leaving now, if I go down, it would hurt even more" he seems tired and weak and Luke needs to hug him.  
"But I'm not leaving!" Luke screams, throwing his arms to the air. "I'm not leaving you, Ash."  
"What are you talking about?" Ashton says in a voice that it's so low that it's hard for Luke to hear.  
"I'm not leaving." Luke says again, he swallows hard to stop the tears from falling "I talked to my dad. I told him- I told him I'm in love with you. And now, we're not leaving. I'm not going anywhere, Ashton."  
Ashton keeps in silence, looking down at Luke with wide eyes. Then he suddenly closes the window with a strong bang and disapeares into his room again. Luke stays there, looking up, with his heart sounding louder than ever in his ears, his head spinning and his stomach dizzy.  
He stays there, looking at Ashton's window, until a whispering voice makes him turn around.  
"Are you serious?"  
Ashton is standing in front of him, dressed up with his sleeping clothes and his feet are bare, he has his arms wrapped around himself and he looks so small. Luke wants to cry again, but he doesn't, he nods slowly and walks toward Ashton. Luke places his hands in Ashton's waist gently and pulls him close to him, hugging him tight against his chest, Ashton lets him.  
"I'm not going anywhere" Luke repeats, and Ashton starts to shake in his arms, Luke doesn't know if it is because he's crying, if he's cold, or both things, but he hugs him trying to press him even closer to him and he rests his head over Ashton's.  
Ashton wraps his arms around Luke's back and he squeezes Luke's tshirt between his fingers, pinching his skin accidentally, it calms Luke down, it makes his heartbeat go slowler and his breath to go back to normal.  
Luke breathes in Ashton's presence. He pulls away a little and looks at Ashton in the eyes and Ashton's eyes are red and filled up with tears, but Luke chest doesn't hurt when he locks their eyes, because he knows that this time those are happy tears.  
Luke leans in and breathes over Ashton's mouth before he brushes his lips against Ashton's, he feels that rush again, running though his whole body, he has missed it so much.  
Ashton kisses him back, he sinks his fingers in Luke's blond hair and tries to pull him colser, kissing him needy and desperate and they laugh into each other mouths when their noses bump.  
They stay like that for a while, they don't know for how long, maybe hours, maybe half and hour, maybe five mitutes. They just stand there in each other arms, enjoying eachother company, untii Ashton starts to shake because of his bare feet.  
"Let's go inside" Luke whispers in his ear.  
Ashton nods and lets him carry him inside.  
"Your dad is in my house" Ashton whispers before they come in "His car is parked in fron of the house" Luke smiles against Ashtons hair and his smile grows wider when they walk in and see Allison and Will cuddled together in the couch, watching some shitty film.  
They go upstair to Ashton's room and they lie in bed together, with their legs entangled and Ashton's face hidden in Luke's neck as Luke's hand runs lazy through Ashton's hair.  
They are almost asleep when Ashton whispers "I want you to stay for a little longer this time."  
Luke smiles and replies, whispering too "I wouldn't mind to stay forever."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading this. Tell me what you think, pretty please <3


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